I'm not a psychologist, neither am I a relationship expert. I'm just a gentleman that observe things going on around me and learn tangible lessons. After all "Life is a teacher and the more we live, the more we learn" right?
The way relationships (the 'exclusive' boyfriend/girlfriend type) are set up these days makes it difficult for a lot of people to move on after a breakup, so for all those pointing fingers at that boy / girl that's always running back to their ex, beware! Simply because it can happen to anyone. I won't just state my opinions, I will EXplain them as much as I can and hopefully, I will be reaching out to a confused person somewhere in the world. Below are some of my opinions from life experience and observing other people.
- You've built your world around them:
Its so easy to get lost in your own little world and lose track of what's going on around you when you get into a relationship. A lot of young people these days make someone their world (nothing wrong with that by the way) and forget about other important things and people. They can't even keep friends because they are too busy putting all their energy on one person and by so doing get too dependent. When such people break up, they will find themselves going back to that ex because that's the only choice most of them have.
My advice is keep a wide friend circle (more friends more trouble so be careful who you call your friend). Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you shouldn't interact with other people. Having other people to talk to and hang out with will even help your relationship as you won't always be on your partner's case which might get annoying sometimes. A wide friend circle will always give you something interesting to do or talk about and prevent you from getting too dependent. If you won't put all your eggs in one basket, I don't see why you should put your whole life into an individual's hand.
- Its not magic, you just don't get over someone in a blink of an eye:
A lot of people out there believe they can get over someone in a minute, don't let Beyonce deceive you ("I can have another you in a minute"). It's not always easy to forget about someone you once shared everything and did a lot of things with especially if the relationship was long term. Time is needed to get over someone. If you rush into something with someone else, its most likely you will be back knocking on your ex's door because you might realise they are not that bad after all.
- The devil I know is better than the angel I don't know:
That phrase is a killer when it comes to relationships. Its okay to think like that if things are going well and you are just going through a tough phase. When things start to go really bad, I guess you can use the analogy that follows. When you have a car that's no longer serving its purpose, it must give way to a better one if you really have places to go to. If you put your all in a relationship and its not going anywhere, you shouldn't just stay in it thinking you can't do better. Except if you are always messing up and about, the chances are if you give yourself time to heal and make yourself better after a breakup, you will meet someone that will treat you better than that your ex who didn't value you for one reason or the other. Again, if you rush into another relationship after a break up, then you might be back at your ex's door trying to justify that the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.
- Avoiding them isn't always the best solution, face your fears.
This point is self explanatory, so I won't bore you with details. If your mind is set at making someone your enemy just because things didn't work out instead of just letting life go on, you will find yourself building cases in your head on why you should dislike them or perhaps avoid them. Indirectly you will be constantly thinking about them and even put yourself in a more difficult position.
There are a lot of points to cover, but I don't want to make this too long. Ask questions in the comment box and share your thoughts on this topic be it from personal experience or observations. I will be looking forward to read from you guys and hopefully see things in a new light.